


Tomorrow is A New Day

by lucy_in_the_sky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sad Ending, Showers, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:41:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14774190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucy_in_the_sky/pseuds/lucy_in_the_sky
Summary: Steve, still grieving over Bucky's death, fights another nightmare that makes him relive one of the worst moments in his life.





	Tomorrow is A New Day

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a hot second since Infinity War crushed my soul but I wrote this anyway...

Steve slathered his hands with overpriced shampoo and worked his slippery fingers through Bucky's long hair. A small smile tugged at his lips when he heard Bucky release a content sigh, leaning up into Steve's hands.

It had been way too long since he'd been allowed to shower with Buck and he was soaking in every damn second.

The hot water streamed onto Bucky's head and neck, and Steve used his fingers to aid the water in washing away the suds he'd left in Bucky's hair.

“Mmm, babe, never stop, I'm beggin ya,” Bucky drawled, closing his eyes and humming as Steve dug his blunt nails into his scalp.

“Never? I think we’d get a little pruny, huh?”

Bucky turned around and grinned at Steve, reaching up through his soapy hair to clasp his boyfriend's hands in his own.

“I wouldn't care, as long as I had you. I'd stay foreverrr,” he spoke, leaning up into Steve's mouth.

“What a sap,” Steve teased with a loving smirk dancing on his lips.

Bucky closed the distance between their mouths and captured Steve's lips with his own.

Steve leaned down and wrapped his hands around Bucky's waist, pulling his body closer to his own so he could deepen the kiss.

Steve let his body relax under the hot water and the leisurely movements of his boyfriend's hands. He felt tense all over and was grateful for the opportunity to let go of the stress his body had been harboring for months on end.

The water was starting to lose its heat, and Steve began to shuffle the two of them closer to the glass door, turning off the stream of water as he followed Bucky outside the gigantic shower.

Bucky released Steve's lips and turned around to grab two towels off their shelf, throwing one at the blonde before drying himself off.

Steve quickly dried off then made his way back over to his boyfriend, already missing the taste of his lips against his hungry mouth. 

“Bedroom, now,” Bucky breathed as Steve placed hard, open mouthed kisses across his jaw.

Steve hummed his agreement and sucked a mark into the damp skin underneath his lips before pulling back, smiling at the hunger evident in Bucky's eyes.

He gently shoved Bucky out of their en suite and into the conjoining bedroom. Bucky took the hint and separated himself from Steve, rushing eagerly into their room.

Steve followed Bucky to their king sized bed, pushing him down on the plush mattress before climbing over him and recapturing his lips in a deep kiss.

“ _ Steve _ ,” Bucky moaned underneath him between heady kisses.

Steve, once again, moved his mouth to trail passionate, sloppy kisses down Bucky's jaw and neck.

“Steve,”

Steve continued his kisses.

“Steve,”

“ _ Mmm _ , Buck,”

“Steve?”

Wait, no. Steve knew that sound.

He looked up to see confusion painted across Bucky's features.

Bucky reached his hand toward him, grabbing his wrist with an iron grip.

“Bucky?” Steve cried.

No no no  _ nononono. _

This can't be happening.

Bucky just looked into his eyes as he disappeared, tears in his eyes and a silenced cry on his lips.

“Bucky! Wait, Bucky, please, not again, please,” Steve begged as he watched him fade away.

He fell forward into the heap of Bucky's ashes and suddenly shot up in bed, dripping in sweat and panting ferociously.

Steve blinked hard, taking in his surroundings.

The clock on his nightstand read 2:47 AM.

It was pitch black.

It was a dream.

“Fuck, again?” Steve murmured to the silent bedroom.

He'd had a dream almost every night since losing Bucky nearly a month ago. Each dream varied in detail but they all ended in the same way.

Steve crying over a heap of Bucky's ashes.

He repositioned his body until he was sitting up comfortably, knowing it would take some time before he could sleep again.

As soon as his back rested against the wooden headboard, he broke down, holding his head in his hands as he cried, no longer ashamed about such a dramatic display of grief.

Captain America was strong. He was selfless. He was brave and fearless and compassionate and a natural born leader.

Steve Rogers was broken.

And he didn't know how to let anyone know how much pain he was in let alone fix himself.

Steve felt his sweat start to dry on his neck, making his skin feel clammy and cold.

“Pull yourself together, Rogers,” he sniffed, putting on a brave face for an audience of zero just because it made him feel stronger.

He wiped his eyes and rubbed a hand down the back of his sweaty neck.

He swung his legs out from under the thick blanket, steadying them on the cold floor before he stood.

Steve made his way to the bathroom, eager to wash away the remnants of the newest dream. This had become a habit of sorts - showering at circa three AM while he tried to erase the feeling of Bucky's stare and his lips and his smile piercing the darkness that had enveloped his world since  _ that day _ .

He turned the shower on and waited silently as it warmed up, staring off into space, too worn out to do much else.

He tested the water and slowly stepped in once he deemed it hot enough.

Bad idea.

This was a  _ bad idea _ .

He couldn't stop the flow of memories from the dream. Bucky's hands, his lips, his smile, his moans, his silky skin, his  _ everything. _

“Buck…” Steve lemented to the chilly tile wall.

He let the tile take his full weight, no longer able to stand in his own. His sobs shook his body but he stayed standing under the stream of water.

_ “You're so weak,”  _ some angry voice in the back of his head spat at him.

No. He deserved this. He'd earned this.

He watched Bucky die how many times in various nightmares over these past few weeks and not broken down?

He let the memories crash over him. Moments as old as 1942 and as new as last month flooded his brain and his mind was filled with Bucky Bucky Bucky  _ Bucky _ .

He cried for Bucky. For his best friend. His boyfriend. His hero. His love.

Tomorrow he'd wake up and regain his composure. He had a team to lead, the world to save.

But for tonight, he cried.

He got out of the shower and slowly dried his body, eyes still puffy from breaking down.

His bed served as both a respite from the world as well as a contraption that harbored terrible dreams and forced him to relive the worst moment of his life. 

But he was too tired to think about the possibility of having to go through another nightmare tonight.

His eyes closed as soon as his head hit the pillows; his body began to relax under the comforting weight of his blankets.

His mind fixated on Bucky as he drifted off to sleep, saying a final goodbye before he fell under.

Tomorrow is a new day. 

  
  
  
  
  


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End file.
